For I can't help falling in love with you.

~~Saturday, May 26, 2007~~

1:27 PM

whatever i might do, i love u i said
whatever it is,i don't need u she said.
i told her to take away e pain she inflicted.
why shud i,when u brought it so she asks me in return.
this fights are not for u and me.
lovers are what we are meant to be.
to hell wid e faggots who are there to spoil things
to live wid u is all i have been dreaming.
dun let it turn out this way baby.
just dun tell me maybe.
cos e maybe hurts e most.
it's e love that i need.
it's e love that i want u to be e host of.
just like how u held me once.
i wasn't appreciative then.
i need ur love now.
and i guess i'll never get it again.
is this what we had in mind?
will my love withstand e test of time.
all i noe is we've planned it so.
till e extent of seeing our kids grow.
why then did u have to pull e plug.
and have us both end it so.
all i noe is i'll never go.
and all i want is to have u so.
all i ask is for a chance in return.
for e love that u'll be given.
why are we,so blind to see.
that e ones we hurt are u and me.
all i need is that 1 chance to let me hear u say
"I LOVE U BABY"

well.wat a way to start my post.hahax.well.been very busy recently.and e worst thing is.imma broke.haiz.i oni got like 60 or 70 cents on me now.and it sucks.damn it.haiz.i dono ah.all my money gone.cos i am sum1 doing charity u see.i always end up spending my cash on others more than on myself.haiz.loaned a few ppl money.and ain't small amnts.but now i'm broke and i need a loan myself.wtf.my mommy has gone to india for god noes how long.and i can't even ask her to trasfer me some cash.hahax.gone.gone.i think this is e sign that all is gonna end soon.cos i'm losing everything of value to me 1 by 1.once i lose my clothes then that will be e end lorx.oh yeah i went to HITRAN'S hse yest. and so damn cool.i so adore her whole family except for 1 person who freaked me out.damn.so scary sia.aiyo.hahax.i and her father are fwens.mwahaha.and i can be her mommy's bf.lolx.the mommy say i look very boyish.so that means i'm a boy and i can be her fwen.so which makes me her bf.right anot?weeee.haiz.my stomach is starting to hurt again.i coughing like hell.and i'm afraid i'll get a fever again.haiz.i now dowanna die so soon.hahax.i see that there's a reason to live.and it's obviously HER.so i've kinda stopped drinking liaox.i can't drink no more.i get sick after i drink.i dono why.and it sucks.was my only companion and it's all gone now.haiz her prezzie is still with me.i so wanna put it on for her myself. just like a thali.and let her be happy.but hell she hates me more each day.haiz.she blames me for everything.EVERY SINGLE THING.damn.but i'll never blame her.cos i noe i oni love her.and u dun blame e one u love.sum1 told me just now.she might seem this way but deep down she cares.haiz.i wish it were thru.i just wanna show her that i've changed.that's all.and i ask for that 1 chance.but hell gonna be 7 mths since i waited :D.but nvm.i'll wait.i dun mind.oh and b4 i forget.i think e singapore government also doesn't want me.cos everyone younger than me goin camp ler.but imma still stuck at hm and rotting.call me up arses.i so wanna go to NS and get away frm everything.save me GOD

*my love for her shall never fade nor end.*

Said that I love you.
But I have loved you all along..

~~Monday, May 21, 2007~~

1:40 AM

firstly i wana say.TO HELL WITH LOVE.oooh that feels much better.and yeah i really dun believe that such a thing as love exists anymore.cos it doesn't really exist.they say that parents takin care of their child is out of love.but i guess it's cos of the term DUTY.they have to take care of their child if not,who will.right?brothers and sisters feel that way as well abt each other.it's their duty.and so u see.everything is just a task laid ahead.nothing revolves arnd that term.so i now realise,my duty is to try my best at getting back to my previous life.so this i say to everyone out there. mother-fuckers be warned but bitches beware.cos i noe what i'm gonna do frm now on.enough of bein made use of.enough of goin thru shit.enuff of bein trampled on. am gonna have fun taking all e problems heads on.cos u live 1ce u die 1ce.why worry abt when it's gonna be i say 1ce again.cos now i noe.how much shit it can cause.how much shit LOVE or watever it is can cause.it only destroys lifes.and i say it's a bitter sweet pill.it's e most marvelous feeling when u fall in love.but it's also e worst when u fall out of it.it's sort of a 2-in-1 thingy.and kinda contradicting.that i still love her.after waiting so long.and noeing that she's gonna be e ungrateful person she is.and e one who oni remembers all e negative stuff.and cares abt her own arse.well i guess that's why they say love is blind.but hell wat can i do?i've loved her,and i ain't gonna be like her.who can go to sum other person.and claim that she loves that person just a few days after falling out of a relationship.knn.balls lehx.wtf.u girls out to mess wid guys lifes izzit?use ur bloody brains.damn.i can safey lay claim that i've only loved 1 girl and will die doing so.but can she do e same thing?HELL NO.and cos of this i'm always above her.mwahaha.makes me so proud of myself.that i ain't a bastard yet.but hell.she drove me to desparation.but i dun blame her.cos i noe e shit i put her thru.and what i tell everyone is always e same.lolx.what she went tru no other bitch can go thru.so i salute her for that.anyway.imma feeling more stressed tokin abt e past.cos it's remindin me of everything.and hell i wanna go and rest now.so yeah.peace.

Said that I love you.
But I have loved you all along..

~~Thursday, May 17, 2007~~

2:52 AM

damn am i pissed.with so many things happening.wtf.1stly with e mother fucker who tagged as her.damn it u bitch.i noe it ain't her.i noe HER damn well.and i noe.she ain't such.she won't even bother abt me rememberin her b'dae so u damned-to-hell faggot wanna pose for wat fuck?ccb.u load of bitches out there just remember 1 thing.u all can never replace HER.geddat into ur head.damn it.i oni love her.and forever will.so yeah.e 2nd thing imma pissed abt is how i never eben contact suba,chitra,soya bean or anybody.damn what could have made me so busy?couldn't i even spare time for them?and hell.i am so totally feelin fucked cos i can't pass HER wat i've got for her.haiz.it hurts.but then e BITCH who rubbed salt to make matters worse i hate u e most.made me hurt more.damn it.i been having fever for 4 days now.haiz.my temp shot up to 39.4 yest and i couldn't walk anymore in town.so i went to get a jab.and am feelin a bit better now.but hell.i just wish she was there to take care of me again.and i met DEEPA today.missed my tangachi.hahax.she was wid me e whole day.but feel so fucked up for makin her go back alone.hahax.i and she were e oni 1s supposed to meet.but e pair of us ended up becomin a whole lot of abt 15 of us.mwahahax.DEEPA THAT'S HOW MUCH BROS U HAVE IN YISHUN NOW.soon to have more no worries.i wanna meet her again tml.hahax.at least she's fun to hang out wid.but damn.she kept askin me to do wat i always wanted and been waiting for 6 mths for.but deepsu,it's not me. not that i dowan.understand?hahax.nvm nvm.tml we see wat to do.i think better we go town or bugis.i bring u go to e pool centre there so u can have chinese god bros also.mwahahax.she was forever disturbed damn.hahax.nvm nvm.i wanna slp liaox. AND HAPPY BELATED B'DAE TO MY BITCH.U'RE SORELY MISSED BY ME :D. PEACE TO YA'LL AGAIN

Said that I love you.
But I have loved you all along..

~~Sunday, May 6, 2007~~

10:29 PM

SCREWED.damn it.tml must go back station in e mrng.haiz.and am gonna get my hair turned to black later.no choice.cos they said that if i din then they gonna make sure i go court on tuesday.wat bastards.damn.and now suba gimme 1 more stress.the sumthing not nice lehx.aiyo.and yeah.club was happening.woohoo.been clubbin e past 2 days.and i was pissed drunk yest.couldn't even walk.hahax.had to make up for e few weeks i haven't drank.lolx.so cover up 1 shot.so u all shud noe how much i woulda dranked yest. :p . ain't my fault.i can't stop it.all these things happen naturally.lolx.i haben call chitra yet.haiz.stressed sia.i need to get my medicines soon also.cos my stomach startin to hurt again.but heck.if they remand me i get them for free :D. the cops have to get it for me.so i end up saving money but wasting my life.if i get let off.which has got as much chance as me becomin bill gates son in law.i'll end up wastin money but having my whole life ahead restored.so i guess i'll choose e 2nd option lolx.haiz.nvm nvm.HITRAN 1 day we all go out if all goes well tml.cos i also got nothing else to do liaox.so spend money till all finish.then go back to work.and end up workin like a dog again.haiz.i wish SHE would meet me on her b'day.but that will surely not happen.she wouldn't want me to spoil that special day for her i guess.hahax.cos according to her.that's what i always do.spoil everything.hahax.i dono why.which is why i conclude that girls can never be understood.i got more chance in becomin a millionaire by e age of 23 or 24 than understanding girls.sianz.nvm nvm.i just wanna wait.as long as it takes.i noe i'll succeed 1 day.and if i get let off might meet sujita tml.lolx.so long since i saw that arsehole.hahax.well i gotta run now.gotta get my hair to black.so blog again tml folks.peace :D

Said that I love you.
But I have loved you all along..

~~Saturday, May 5, 2007~~

7:52 AM

IMMA BACK... :D . been quite a while since i blogged.well.been goin thru shit again.this damned cops seriously can never get enough of me eh?well watta do.i guess i really do have a attractive face.one which attracts all sorta characters.damn.frm e real nice ppl.to e nasty ones.to e downright hopeless ones.and all i can do is just take everything comin my way.and heck i'll give it back with some recoil.lolx.if u've learned science u'll noe that e force of a recoil is much more than e force of it hitting u.so if u were nice to me i'll be super duper tazmaniacally nice to u.lolx.but if u are gonna get on my wrong end.my dead grandpa's balls to u mother fucker.whoever u are.cos seriously.that's half e ppl out there now.that's what they all are.enough shit they've done to my life.enough they've made me lose.but well.i believe i can pick myself up again.i can get it all back.hahax.suba,soba and chitra (SSC) you'll all noe wat i mean.lolx.i swear i'll get her back.if it costs me my life.cos she ain't so easy to give up.anyone want her.kill me to have her.that's all i'm willing to say.cos i dare say.she's worth more than my life now.wtf was i up to?din i noe that it will end up like this when i so easily broke her tiny precious heart?HELL NO,i didn't.FUCK.if i did.i wouldn't have done so.and i dono why she doesn't wanna give me another chance.cos that's all i ask for.ONE MORE CHANCE.to prove myself baby,to prove that i've changed.to prove that.imma for e better.to prove that i'll treasure u forever and ever.heck i dun even think she'll read my blogs.well all e better.cos then she won't noe wat i've planned and all.mwahahax.but a surprise awaits her.and suba noes it :D . hahax.tell me she'll be stunned submarine.woohoo.i been working my ass off for that only.hahax.speaking abt work.i been working for quite sometime now.and i realise.i am how she wanted me to be.but is it too late?i dun think so.i noe her.she ain't some heartless whore.in fact she's got a heart of gold.and she'll realise how much she means to me.so i'll just wait for her to accept it all.and be willing to accept me AGAIN.and i hope it happens soon.i wanna be able to care for her.to do everything for her again.cos NO OTHER BITCH DESERVES ANYTHING FRM ME. and hell i'mma serious abt it.so bitches who wanna have anything funny to do with me.back off.u want my heart?go and get it frm her.cos it ain't with me.hers is i dono with who.but mine is definitely with her.not only my heart,but everything.and it seriously sickens and saddens me to see her wasting her time,and her youth,thinking that she's having fun and all.but heck half those damned bastards dun care abt u ass.geddat into ur head.they act as if they do.oni a few ppl truly have ur interests at heart.and i swear imma one of them.is asking u to improve urself wrong?i told u i'll put u thru skl pig.i was willing to guide u and teach u along e way.but u fought with me over that even.that's cos i dowanna hear anyone calling u useless or anything like that for that matter.i've told u a million times.i wanna be e one to make u cry and e one to wipe away ur tears.an excerpt frm one of my fav songs goes "you said u cried a thousand rivers,but now u're swimming for e shore,u left me drowning in my tears and u won't save me anymore.pray to god youll give me one more chance girl" COOL ain't it?if u're wondering wat song it's frm go to my fwensta proffy and listen to 'i'll be there for you' .how much more true can a song be?hahax.but heck i'll remain confident.cos i dono why i feel like i'll be able to get her back soon. :D.and it's keepin me goin strong.hey laugh not.cos she's all that imma living for.well imma just afraid submarine.u say u wanna go on monday.wat if they dun let me go back.and i get "held back" (dun wanna use e proper term or all will noe) lolx.then i'll be gone alrd noe :'( then i cannot do anything alrd.all gone.seriously.SCARY.cos if i'm put away,it will be for a god damn long time.and i bet no one will ever remember me,or even noe who i was.it's only now that all e hoo-ha is going on.but come that point of time.so many yrs down e road.i'll be forgotten.and it'll hurt most if she's gone frm my grasp totally.alrd now when i'm arnd and trying my wholesome best for 6 mths she still doesn't bother and is never moved.u think she will remember me if she doesn't hear anything of me for many yrs?haiz.i brought this upon myself.i dun blame u pig.and i never did.i blame myself.for everything.even how u are now.it's not a nice sight to see u like this.cos this ain't MY BITCH.u never liked this lifestyle.well u might be possessed lolx.who noes.and well.i got some piece of good news.weeee.i can live :D .cos it seems that losing 1 kidney won't affect a person much.and i can continue with everything as per normal.other than e drinking and stuff.so yeah.suba noes that imma planning to stop smoking and drinking. three cheers for me eh :D. imma gonna focus on working and trying to set everything right.woohoo.hahax.i worked 4 days straight day and night without sleep.just so that i'll get my pay o time to buy her a few small things.and i hope she appreciates them.and likes them.cos i put my heart and soul into trying to get e money for it.so much sweat.so much pain.but it'll all be worth it.if i manage to convince her.and have her again.so imma gonna go back to working if by god's grace nothing happens on monday.sianz.i'll go to buy e things with suba frm there and then go to work.maybe all e way till saturday.hahax,and take sunday off.and then continue again on monday.well i gotta work hard if i wanna prove my point right?thankfully there are shower facilities and all at work.or i'll stink,not being able to go hm for a week,not changing clothes and all.but e worst is not having any sleep.i was walking like a zombie on tuesday when i finished work totally.i wanted to continue.but my boss din wanna let me.and all e good reason.cos e headlines for that day were of a woman who worked herself to death.man i dowan that to happen.cos i wanna die in her arms :D . so i'm gonna now just stay focused on my task.lolx.and yeah ryan,u stupid faggot.u forced me.i din want to.u noe me.damn it man.why?i told u many times b4.u won't noe it now.but then u'll regret sooner or later arsehole.and i esp dowanna see u in e same position as me.dun ever ruin ur health and life like i did dumbo.be a lil smart at least u dumb bastard.that's e oni thing i can say.and well.SUBA. thanks for being there these past week.i seriously have come to appreciate u.but talk more will u?hahax.u've seriously been a help but a tad discouraging.WHAT NO HOPE? damn you.lolx.help me out la.why she and that bugger got sumthing sumthing ah?u saying no hope all.if not sure got hope wat.right anot?help me out will u?aiyo.be a goodu fwendu lahx.haiz.do me this favour.get us back together.u have that power.hahax.but seriously.thanks alot.cos i realise how much sense your words make.i might crap e shit outta u at times.and imma sowwie.but u noe i dun mean anything bad for u right?just do well for ur 3 papers this yr babe.go to a poly.i'll be damn glad.and yeah.MONDAY IF NOTHING HAPPENS.SWENSENS. MY TREAT. KAE?lolx.i kinda realise,u're like sister and mother figure i never had.who would advice me and stuff.so frm e bottom of my heart i thank u once again.and u better accept my apology.cos u're e oni other person i apologise to other than my laus.understand?hahax.till i blog again.peace to all amitabha.mwahahax.

Said that I love you.
But I have loved you all along..