magic's life :D

2010-08-11T21:17:00.002+08:00

i dream of u each lonely night,
hoping to have u by my side.
yearning for the day to hold u in my arms,
when i know then that i'll always be your charm.
i know what we're feeling is not at all right,
but do make e effort and nvr live a lie.
u know what u want,
and i know it too.
to be together,
where there'll be only ME and YOU.
a wholesome future i promise u,
i'll do my best to be with u.
if my faith can help in anyway,
i hope u help to pave the way.
i just pray before slping each day,
i hope u're alone one fine day.
so that u know i'm waiting and will always be,
only here for u to see.
nthng matters as much as u do.
such that my life i'll lay it down to be with u.
an empty promise i'll nvr make,
i just know it's all for ur sake.
i'll think of u wearing a crown,
and i know i'll only be a stupid clown.
to put up a smile even when i tear,
it's e worst broken feeling when u lose smth so dear :(

2010-07-23T04:53:00.002+08:00

a ride in time i nvr took,
a ride like this is all a fluke.
making merry in times of sadness,
in slaying me bloody lies ur happiness.
e sleepless nights i long suffered,
oh for 2 mths how i've endured.
fell sick thinking if all was ok,
only to know e truth on a bloody friday.
a holy day they may say,
fuck u all it's a lie i say.

pain is not in the passing,
it comes most when u're not knowing.
kept in e dark with no visibility,
banished i was to e end of eternity.
broken though i was all along,
to shatter me she came like a swan.
captured my attention and my whole heart too,
she gave it to me broken in two.
now i'll need to mend it all,

just gimme time i'll be making a free fall.
leaving this place to sumwhere serene,
God grant me this strength frm within.
tough on the outside i might seem,
a girl can come and bend me like a beam.
i tried so hard to get a place,
little did i know that there's no solace.
no place within her tiny heart,
did i capture her, or was it fake frm e start.

a silent tear

2009-10-24T00:24:00.002+08:00

A million stars may seem the same.
whatever i feel is still the pain.
destitute though i might seem,
unfit for this world is what is deemed.
bitches come,and mommas go.
but deep within i feel the flow.
A hangover from the last night,
what is to become of my plight.
tears of joy,that lead to misery.
a cry for a saviour that screams eternity.
to update the status that none know of,
i knew all along that everything was lost.
planks used once are later thrown,
an entity to all that is not shown.
i'll bet my life that it is true,
u'll come crying to me till u turn blue.
an idea i had is thoroughly not burning,
like a flame i had in mournful yearning.
breeders of hate,had no scrutiny.
over what i feel is MY DESTINY!
a cup thrown on e floor,
like a granny's stroll across the door.
pass e madness of it all,
my life seems to go at a bloody crawl.
laughters might deceive the tears,
but deeper than a needle can a woman not pierce?
pardon my sins and forgive my doubts.
i wish it were as simple as a cloud.
drinking though might calm my mind,
a personal grudge grown from within a twine.
a skunk that stinks is all that abuses,
nature's creation is now left for stooges.
a picture speaks a thousand words.
blossomed within is nothing but hurt.

2009-04-13T20:59:00.002+08:00

hate me and my attitude u say.
that's cos u dono i live a lie everyday.
to put an end to my wary ways.
dozens have tried,
but none have stayed.
u were there when i didn't want,
now u say u totally can't.
i'm gonna say this to u.
i hate myself for doing this too.
to caste that hate into ur heart,
that's e little i can do to play my part.
to watch u drift,
though it hurts.
at least i'll know i'm not a playa.
met one day,
when i din want to.
miss me much,
and planted a kiss too.
for a fren u claim it was,
but dun make urself same as a million whores.
held my hands when i didn't want to.
i knew i'll break within if looked at u.
looked into ur eyes for one moment though,
and i felt that great big blow.
all that day i did not do,
was just to recipocrate and say i love u.
though i dono and can't seem to adapt.
this might be how it's best.
i'll live alone thru all this yrs,
for girls i know always bring tears.
you don't want that,
and neither do i.
not a jealous man,
but females lie.
a tough time might lie ahead.
coming soon in my stead.
might lose my life over a want.
that's something though that can't be undone.
i'm always here wishing though,
that whatever happened was with a heart of gold.
seems to be a mortal wound,
i'm just gonna explode like a love-torn balloon.
to nvr speak or hear again.
frm this person,
who promised it's e end.
nothings gonna change my love for you.
You ought know by now how much I love you.
So come with me and share the view,
I'll help you see forever too.
a mistake i made was to come out last night.
meet up with one in a miserable plight.
went back hm all alone,
wishing u could heal that heart of stone.
lie to me and tell me though,
that all u did was just a show.
what i know i'm going through,
i nvr wanna see anyone like you.

2009-02-05T01:00:00.003+08:00

thanks for e lies that u claim were true.
e moment u said those words i felt so blue.
disgusted frm e inside out.
now i know without a doubt.
ur words meant nothing,
neither did e kisses we shared.
thanks a million once again.
for giving unto me all this pain.
this hurt i feel.
i just hope it stops.
cos i know though that i can't hate u.
and i'll love u still.
be happy doing what u want.
but don't forget i'll no longer be at e forefront.
to change ur heart and ur mind.
it took lots of effort.
but all they meant to u was dirt.
my soulmate u'll be i thought within.
but little did i suspect that love was just a sin.
thanks again for leading me on,
cos i now know that it's all so wrong.
wat u had in mind i didn't know.
but it still is e greatest blow.
lose myself and my longing to live.
why did u have to appear so?
happily waiting for e day to come.
when GOD selects me and says "he's e next one".
i know that it won't hurt as much.
cos of u i'll be be gone without much.
to love a whore is not a sin.
but to be treated like one is so much true.
but why then did u mess me up if ur feelings weren't true?

2009-02-03T00:31:00.002+08:00

butterflies lay aflutter,
and of all places they chose my tummy.
u broke me down the other day.
and left me wondering why i was in e gutter.
this i wanna ask.
"why am i hurting again mummy?"
but answers can't be sought frm anyone other than u.
a week was wat u requested.
and gladly said i'm fine with it.
e confidence of winning ur heart,
to keep with mine.
but wat are these mind games that are going on?
emotional distress,and i'll long be gone.
going crazy day by day,
missing u badly night after night.
longing to hold u in my arms again.
to promise to nvr hurt ur little heart in vain.
trust my words,and i'll say it's true.
there's none other who i wanna be with,
apart from u.give me the chance.and let this be the night.
where u see me in a whole different light.
playful though i maybe.
this is not all of me.
e love i have for one like u.
it's e same that i have for my mummy too.
heartbreak that i can nvr let pass.
if u were to tell me that u've thought of giving me a pass.
the kisses we shared in e cab we took.
i like how ur eyes sparkled,like that of a crook.
different though u maybe.
this is what i'll say baby.
honour my words.and i'll ask u now.
will i be given e chance.
to take u to every ballroom dance.
a little mis-step we might have.
but let it pass with a little breath.
so i'll indirectly ask now.
am i not e one u want?
it's not like u're just someone.

2009-02-02T02:02:00.002+08:00

little did i know that things would turn out this way.
i feel like all this is part of a play.
a main character i once was.
discarded to be in e corner without a toss.
left my heart with u the first day we kissed.
this i know,u'll always be missed.
i can't keep u out of my mind.
how i wish everything was fine.
to hold u close and grab u tight.
to hug u till u lose ur breath.
till e moment my last has left.
u asked me how long i knew u.
and if i knew anything,
and that is true.
i know nuts,
but i honestly declare.
that love doesn't need a person to swear.
but i'll testify in honor of me.
that i loved u e 1st day i knew.
u're stuck onto me like a flu bug which never leaves,
and away with u my little heart flew.
heartbreaking though it may be.
i know then that this is it.
when u said that ur love was gone.
in a moment,in an instance.
i feel like i'm just here,to pay my penance.
but dear sugarpuff.
forget me now and forget me ever.
one day u'll realise my love is true.
gimme a chance,
that's all i ask for.
but please don't ever show me e door.
cos i know a blow like this is too hard to take.
and i'll nvr be like e rest who are fakes.
u wanna return my heart,
with all it's shattered pieces.
but just one fine day,
i hope i'll make u my own little missus
in agony and pain i write this down,
just love me again and take away my frown.
my darling,love and sugar u may be,
but my own sugarpuff is wat u'll be.
and that is for ETERNITY

2009-01-30T00:29:00.002+08:00

to lead u in e day,and to guide u at night.
to be ur saviour throughout ur life.
this was what i promised in my last lonely write.
i thought i had u,
but then again,it seems like u're drifting away.
this i hope will nvr happen.
cos my love for u,will only deepen.
u took my hands.and gave a hug,
which none other can give a thug.
e first kiss we shared,
though so sudden,lasts in my memory thru.
sweetest one, that i knew.
but why is it then,
that i feel ur love drift.
drift away like a bottle in an ocean,
and nvr to return.
it's no longer e same.
where sweet nothings were whispered.
and lovely chats we shared.
like a forlorn queen in an unknown land,
u seem uncertain.
of what it is,i'm not sure of.
but dear babygirl,dun let out a cough.
missing u badly,it's my bad.
but hurting frm within,it's oh so bad.
e joy i felt,when i tot i had u.
unexplained grief when u planned to delay it too.
romanticism might not be ur forte,
but come sugarpuff.
tell me u love me too.
cos u know i'm always here for u.

2009-01-21T01:31:00.002+08:00

to give u days u'll remember and nights u'll never forget.

this i'll provide u with no regrets.

failure to accomodate,that's ur undoing.

and failure to accept will be mine.

a sis?,a fren?a buddy?a companion?

definitely not is wat i say.

way more than anything,

and an irreplacable part u've become.

to wait in line,and silently pray,

that one fine day i'll be the one.

to lead u in e day,and to guide u at night.

to be ur saviour throughout ur life.

just know ur direction and don't go thru.

with this life u're leading,u know it's a farce too.

give me a chance to prove to u without a doubt.

that none are like me.i'll make them pout.

pride and a mentality,that's too old for me.

these are wat are forcing e hate upon me.

i hate e way u are now.

and it's cos i think u've suffered a blow.

attempt to console,and wanting to wipe ur tears.

these were what were on my mind last night.

i went to slp full of fright.

thinking only if u were all right.

annoyed as u are today,

i hope wat we did was just a play.

a dramedy that we both only know.

i'll just go on with ur wonderful flow.

it's this unpredictability that's an attraction to me.

i know u fail to see this side of me.

just a few days,

and i feel so close.

afraid of missing or losing u,

i don't wanna feel that blow.

stay with me not just now,

but whenever u think u need a day to remember and a night to nvr forget.

to wish u luck in whatever u do.

to pray that i'll feel ur pain before u do.

to give u solace in times of pain.

to give u warmth whenever e need.

to give a hug to show i'm there.

to give a kiss to show i care.

hate me for wat i'll say,

i think i'm falling for u day by day.

so treat me not as a brother or father,

but more like a everlasting lover,

to be here for eternity.

just ignore my plea if it seems so bad.

i'll let u go just thinking it's my bad.

just to let u know that i feel u deep within.

it's pricking me worse than a pin.

ur voice reminds me of a certain solace which can nvr be found.

which is why i want u to not let me down.

2009-01-15T23:55:00.002+08:00

iN bEtWeeN hEr cLencHeD fIsTs, sHe hoLds hEr bRoKen hEaRt
of which i promise,to never set apart.
this poor girl who needs a beginning to a sorry end.
she pretends to be happy,
locked in her own misery.
share her joys she always does.
but to share her sorrows,
with the water streaming down from below her brows.
glad to be here to hold her close,
this i hope that lovely girl knows.
lonliness and a mandatory fear she feels.
the reason i know she wouldn't come to heel.
fear of dishonesty,disloyaty and shame.
but who on earth can i blame?
to convince her one day and let her know.
that deep within my heart,
like a flower she'll grow.
she bloomed as a rose bud,from deep within.
to ignore her now will be a sin.
forsaken her meals for the day,
this i know is not child's play.
a glutton though she maybe.
that is also a part of thee.
magical words might not help.
but a MAGICal hug can save u from distress.
feelings of hurt i might feel,
each time u push me away against ur will.
being ignored time and again.
it hurts deep within,understand my pain.
is it a mistake to want to be true,
to a wonderful darling.there's none like you.
pour ur agony,emotions and pain.
into a container,and it's my heart they say.
(for a wonderful person.who deserves to be loved)

a dedication to a special person

2008-12-01T01:47:00.003+08:00

deep within a rainbow,sumone said a star exists.
but i claim it doesn't cos how can it be so when e star is here.
noticed it on a dark august night i did,
shivering through cos of a feverish heat.
little did i know that our union was gonna be.
because of how flowers always bring along bees.
casting glances at her frm a bench in a park.
thanking god then that she wouldn't notice it in e dark.
shinier than e star she is she sparkled,
the moment she broke into a sweet little giggle.
with eyes so bright that they brought life along.
and brightened e place wid just a smile.
little dogs go bow-wow.
but to all she's known as dear gow-gow.
i dono when our frenship was formed,
but i guess now i feel sumthing more.
an attraction i suppose is what i feel.
though i dun think that the possibility is real.
this i'll tell u,but i bet u know.
my shoulder's here to hold u close.
to handle any blow,
and to be offered to none but u.
this dear GOWRI i dedicate to u.

2008-11-21T01:29:00.003+08:00

just one night and i realised that it was all gonna be all right.
she stood there and glowed in e moonlight.
wondering if it was me,in her sight.
once hated to e core.i wondered if i'll ever be more.
my feelings grew to hate myself.
because in a deep corner,i knew i had a soft spot longing for her.
we lost touch,we lost contact.
for a long time which seemed too long.
i dono how i kept my sanity intact.
details of the misery which are so long gone.
every other day,wishing to bump into her.
at that stretch where many tales are far-fetched.
cos that's where i laid eyes on her.
her dark past not many know.
but i'm willing to let it go.
i got a hug which i always needed.
on a rainy day,which was halloween.
little did i know that it was gonna be,
e spark to light my fire.
and lift me to,
ETERNITY.
a girl knows not what she shud appreciate.
my dear gaya.when are u gonna be a lady i wondered.
little did i know,that e transition was taking place,
without me arnd and she holding her halberd.
get control of herself.her life.
these were things i kept on repeating.
procrastinate against her the world once did.
that's e reason i feel so weak.
with her arnd,in my thoughts,
or in my sight.
i knew then that i wish it was night.
to hold her hands and walk down a lane.
and tell her
"baby,it's all right.i'm here to help u ease ur pain"
wid mimosas opening up and birds aflutter,
these are e words i wanna utter.
worse than creatures we may be.
but this i'll let known to e whole world through.
as delicate as a butterfly,as lethal as a bee.
to all she's known as GAYAthri.

2008-10-05T23:55:00.002+08:00

turning glares into smiles,to e extent that they'll nvr be there.
but with you around,my love i'll share.
first laid my eyes on u in an unlikely place,
u glared at me,and i ran off in haste.
little did i know,that this was e start.
to a problem in my head,that i'll call controversy.
marissa is wat i know it by,and nvr did i expect,
that we'll cross paths in this life.
a gentle soul,in my eyes u definitely weren't.
but now i know that an angel is what lies beneath.
open ur heart gently i'll do.rip thru it like a hurricane too.
i'll let u in on this secret now.sweep u off ur feet is what i'll attempt to do.

many eyes may have been laid.on this sweet thing,whose eyes burned red.
the burning of e fire,and e energy of a tiger.and even more i see in her.
a few days though it might have been.but u left this place causing a din.
frm my part though it may be.but nvr wanna see u leave,stay with me.
all e while i been watching u.if u noticed tell me too.
cos i thought then,that we would nvr be.
independence is what u crave.let it keep u always so brave.
a fiesty girl like u i've nvr seen,but hate me ever and it'll be a sin.
what is this i'm feeling for u.but i can't slp without thinking of u.
all alone in a foreign land.with no one else to hold ur hand.
i'll give it to u.if i could be there.
but sadly though,i'm going nowhere.
do take care and be carefree,cos lonely is not what u're meant to be.
remember this that i'm always here,even if u need to shed a tear.
a memorable day i'll provide for u,when u return to ur homeland with ur heart in two.
so do remember that u're not alone.but pls dun ever look at me with a frown
this is what i can do,in dedication of u. :D

2008-08-29T02:10:00.002+08:00

damn ur pics.damn ur attitude.
they leave me for dead cos i can't seem to slp.
does e feeling within me speak for real,or is it a facade.
my heart seems to want to see u.but e way u think is all surreal.
who could win ur heart this i wonder.
i would like to give it a try if u'll at least bother.
i'm a meanie and i know it's true.
thus my attitude separated me,away from u.
for one day though,it seemed so long.
missing u till i got sick and worn.
u hated me for that whole day.
but my apologies is just wat i gave.
took 2 days for me to get back to u.
when u bothered and msged me like u always do.
glad as a volcano,my heart erupted.
i knew then that u cared e least bit too.
but to change ur mindset abt me,i'll try to do.
not a nasty person as u may think.
but cos it's for u,i feel a blink.
a white light up above.a neverending dream.
to tell u that i'm sorry for all once again.
dear nutcase,this i'll tell u.
to be ur 1st and last is wat i wanna be.
not for now,nor tml.
but definitely it shall be for all of eternity.

*sonia sonia sokavaikum sonia kaadhalileh entha vagai kooru. lols

2008-07-14T20:10:00.002+08:00

LOVE SUCKS AND IT'S NEVER NICE

i hate everything about you.,why do i love you.?
when all i feel is e cold wind blowing.biting into me deeper than e skin.
tell me now that ur love was true.and unlike a raindrop,i'll be here with u.
search my heart all this while.i did it all walking a mile.
a solitary life that i have led.leave me alone and my lonely heart bled.
mess my mind,yes u did.but due in time we'll frolick in wine.
give u e best that wasn't my doing.cos e evil in me just kept on showing.
i ask of u now to let me come.back into ur life,where i feel i belong.
warmth is not wat i always seek.it's e love i'll give u that is oh so deep.
bless my soul my dear lord god.tell me then that she's worth a fort.
keep my defences against the elements.blast me away like a cannon she did.
why then did i blow into smithereens.e moment i knew i was a sin.
bid me goodbye a final time.just when i told u,that u were no longer mine.
words i said that i regret till this day.but pay no attention and leave me for dead.
that's how it's been for all it seems,cos i've never wanted to hurt my pretty little thing.
who it is u might wonder,but then i'll tell u oh don't bother.
think of me as a tool.to get ur life going for u.
bless ur future in watever u do,just dun ever love a fool.
profess it all once again.my dear princess i want u again.
miss ur laughter in my ear,and ur swearing in my mind.
time has passed all this while.and u still appear in my eye.
e mind's eye it seems is always blind. so i'll tell u. i'll love u till, E END OF TIME

2008-06-05T01:10:00.002+08:00

nothing lasts forever and i'm always alone.
a selfless act that only i condone.
to give my life if truth be told.
to find e one who'll truly care.
and swear to me she'll always be there.
misery i face in e world arnd me.
fret wid problems and no sympathy.
i just need a soul to say,that i mean something.
and it's not too true.
nothing lasts forever,cos in e end everything's gone.
always here wid me,but my spirit's withdrawn.
lift it up,let it soar.i'll be gone before long.
though i know there are hundreds or thousands who'll stand beside me.
they've always failed to see e misery.
days lost,will never return.
they too disappear and leave forever.
leaving a mark deep within.
it's gonna remain deeper than e skin.
tell a truth to save myself.
tell a lie to watch u die.
these are wat i would rather do,
than see myself looking a fool.
so please don't tell me that something lasts forever.
cos there's something i'll tell u,and that is NEVER.

well this was just a spur of e moment kinda poem.
i was kinda contemplating.why ppl use e word forever so freely,when u look deeper inside u realise that e word forever actually means never.cos i've never seen anything last forever.everything returns to it's dismal starting form at e end : DUST. and that's e fact we live wid.so i would rather be happy always.
so many screwed things been happening recently,and i realise that we can't do anything to stop fate.but i do believe that things are how we make them to be.
we control e future.
we control fate.
but then again i think it's a waste to explain or let things be said.cos the debate of wat i've just blogged abt can go on all e way.and it's never-ending.shall blog again soon.ciaoz homies :D

2008-03-12T04:11:00.005+08:00

dear world.this is what i've realised after a long time alone.all of a sudden one day last yr,a girl so fine appeared like an angel.i know she was cos she took a long time to get to know me well b4 she trusted me enuff to give her number.and this post i shall say is for her. :D dedicated to u *winks(and u noe who u are)

deep in my heart the hatred i felt.and e sorrows i kept.
for all e girls it went unabated.why then did it skip a beat,the very first time i saw ur pic.
though i noe u'll hate my kind.i'm so sure i'll love u so.
this my dear u can't put a stop.neither will my growing love flop.
my dear girl this i tell u.how e others have been,i'll never be to u.
give me a chance when u feel it's ok.but i hope i dare 2 sumday ask of u to be mine all e way.
to ask for ur hand in return for a rose.only then will i feel u close
wid all my heart that's all i have left.ask me more and i'll never act deaf.
none have stood by.to guide me along.
but u were a stranger till u came strolling along.
u took a place not in my dreams.but in my heart and mind and make me miss u till i scream.
tell me then my dear angel.is this love i feel for u.
my days might be numbered and i noe it too.
and i never wanna regret i've never spent time wid u.
i wanna prove that i can be fine and care for u.
till e end of time,i know u will brush this off,as chatter of a mad man without a cough.
but hear me out b4 it's too late.i dowanna be e secondary brake.
share in my joys like how u've done wid my sorrows.u're e oni one i can say this to today.
my dear angel hear my cry.i think i'll love u till i die.
tell me now that i'm not wrong,to love u even when ur heart is gone.
pick me up where u left.cos i always feel there's still a gap.
fill it up cos i need u inside,this tiny heart that's been pushed aside.
my dear angel now i'll say i've started loving u since e very 1st day.
be my one be my only.be my wonderful lovely wifey.
though i noe angels ain't reality.i'll still love u in spite of all this brutality
recipocrate e feelings i show.share wid me ur joys and sorrow.
make me feel so darn impt.cos i noe wid love for u my heart is always swollen :D

2008-03-11T13:45:00.002+08:00

well well.am blogging my last b4 i do sumthing.and yeah.this goes on and on.and i'm sick of it.so well here goes.i'll say everything in e oni way i noe.poems.lols.

been right here for e past 2 yrs waiting and dreaming.more like aching and screaming.
miss the times that u been there,to tell me "i'll be there".
wat happened love to this fairytale?that made everything else seem so stale.
i know then my dear,that u've moved on.leaving me here to sit and mourn.
cos when i'm gone,just carry on don't mourn.
rejoice everytime u hear e sound of my voice.
just know that i'm looking back at u smiling.and i didn't feel a thing.
so baby don't feel my pain.just smile back.
i can't help how things turned out this way.where every wind made me sway.
i just wanted to have u by my side.even though i had this freakish little side.
but baby,now you're gone and i realised my love for u was strong.
And I miss you here now you're gone.
I keep waiting here by the phone,with your pictures hanging on the wall.
Is this the way it's meant to be?Only dreaming that you're missing me.
I'm waiting here at home,I'll be crazy now you're gone.
There's an empty place in my heart,Without my baby it will break apart
It won't heal, it never fades away,I'll be thinkin' 'bout you everyday.
this i swear to u,break ur heart again i'll never do.
i just want u next to me.cos u'll be missed even when i'm gone.
now show me e way baby.just dun tell me maybe.
cos e maybe is bringing e pain wholefully.i love u baby and i hope u know it's true.
no matter wat it takes i'll be right here waiting for u .

peace homies.(11/3/08 2.30pm right b4 my surrender)

2008-02-22T02:15:00.002+08:00

en uyir kaadhalae,nee engu poanai.
nee illa vazhkai valikithadi.
en muuchil swasathil nee kalanthaiyadi.nee ippo kaatrodu marainthuvittai.
en thavara,anbe un thavara,en kaadhalin vaethanai puriyalaiya.
anbe en thavara,anbe un thavara en ithaiyathai therinju yen oogavittai

hahas.am gonna get some time off frm poetry.lols.and well i realised how meaningful e above verses were.it's cool that there's sum life to wonderful songs these days.hahas.and well just wanna inform.i'll be going to e saf-ward frm tml and might be a patient there.so dono when i'll be out,nor whether i can even use me hp.well.if my homies dun understand wat e saf-ward is,ask arnd among ur frens who are serving e nation.they'll noe *winks. hahas.let's hope i get sum sweet relief frm all e shit goin on at least there.but hey fret not.i'll be back(i hope).so peace ya'll.

2008-02-14T04:41:00.003+08:00

(always been waiting for e strength to show me e end.finally found it in hatred have i :D peace)

this i hope u say it's true,loving me is sumthin u'll never do.

hell's journey i never want.but that is where i'll be found.

i noe now that u have said.and given me your word with all that hate.

my funeral is something u'll never attend.i swear to god i have repent.

thru life's journey,e joy i saw.watever it was,it's always my flaw.

i noe then my dear soulmate.as a soul i'll return after my dues are paid.

never would i see u cry again.because i really noe the pain.

trust me not,trust me never.but i'll still love u,and that's forever.

doubt my words.deep with hurt.i'll say my goodbye wid a final tear.

a pic i have of us together,that's enough to keep me here.

but i'm afraid death is calling,thus i sit here tearing and begging.

pls have a heart,if that's all it takes for u to start.

leave me alone all have done.i do realise i have no one.

my end shall not come too late.just that i have set e date.

when it does i tell u my dear.please don't ever shed a tear.

this evil heart that has hurt u so,never wants to give u another blow.

height is not wat i'm afraid of,fright can never make me scoff.

i noe now that i will go.and i swear i'll never let u know.

the end of time it brings for me.u have always been e key.

with pride at stake,u may hate.but hot as a stove,that's my love.

i'll leave this world wid a pic of u.in my heart,my mind and my wallet too.

i'll be damned to this lonely world.if i'm saved by a nasty soul.

leave me be.let me go.cos i noe i'll love her so.

a testament to me this may be.but i'll not die in a peaceful sleep.

bid me farewell,bid me goodbye.bid away all ur pain.i'll never see ur tear ever again.

2008-01-31T16:22:00.000+08:00

bird of prey flying high,bird of prey in e summer sky.

take me along wherever u fly.never would i be e hunted rabbit,

that bows down when u approach me close.all i need is sum1 by my side.

where then do they all go,when they noe i'm gonna die.

is it true that love can kill,cos what i see is all unreal.

a dream is not what i'm living.but the pain is there when i am grieving.

for my soul to depart to e realms of e netherworld.what i seek has been no more without u girl.

u bade me all ur final goodbyes,would i see forever in your eyes.

put me down to my resting place.if i'll never see ur face.

my humble abode provides me e shelter,but only u can give e warmth.

thus my pleas have been proven to be falling into e grave.

those ears they must reach have shown to be deaf.cos now i noe no one really cares.

so bird of prey flying high,take me along wherever u fly.

2008-01-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

deep within this love deprived mind,
all i left far behind.once again after a year so long,
we are back to where we belong.
it was ur b'dae that brought us together.
how i wish it could have been forever.
i really miss those times we had.
chatting away long into e night.far away from others' sight.
we stole a kiss that was not right.
and u told me i love u that night.
far away in e park we were.stick to me u'll have no fear.
i like ur hugs for e warmth they gave.
this is e only thing i can derive.
but i forgot,u'll never be my wife.
sumone else's u may be,but these will never deter me.
i'll take u in with open arms.
if u say u needed me.
a relationship must end in order,for a new one to show it's power.
e length of time i might not have had,but e love we shared,
was definitely stronger.
u noe u are special to me.
cos in me blog u'll be for eternity.
in my mind and heart u were there,only that i was in despair.
to kill u off and throw u away i could not.i made u give up all ur thoughts.
hate me now and hate me always,cos i noe i'm a disgrace.
play with ur feelings not once i did.just to save u i feel like piss.
many tongues would go wagging,and faster than a dog's tail it would go.
but then again it wouldn't end.a happy birthday i wanna wish u,
but there's a kiss together with it too.claim it from me whenever u want.
but all i need is for u to be e only one.
tell me again after so long.when we lost our paths mid-way.
that u love me till this very day. :D

dedicated to a special sum1 :D and u noe who u are :D

2008-01-01T23:15:00.000+08:00

when we think deep and we think hard.we realise,not everything we think is good,
is really good for us.however.. we don't quite keep telling ourselves that,but what are e facts?? we will never noe.i miss u and crave for u.this are e feelings that only i can never show.a single girl u are not.but u are always in my thoughts.i dono if we will ever,be together.but this i tell u,i'll always await .and it is true.for e world u might not need me now,for i will always seem so low.this is what's been in me ever since i knew the path of ur wonderful flow.e day we met we paired in an instant.only to know that we were mistaken.the kiss we shared was just great,but then it seems like it was all fake.tell me then if that is love,or if it's lust.cos this damned world has never been just.what i want i might never have,but u are wat i'll never want if this is how things are to remain.sum1 else's u may be.but it's not for eternity.come to me to show me please that we are wat love can be.i know it was wrong for us to fall in love,cos that is where it will never lead.i’ve been damned by this whole world to die without a wreath.i’ve told u how u captivated me soul and brought me heart to stay with u and never to part.but where is urs may I question,cos it has never reached my note.tell me then would u love me,for who I wanna be.leave me not to be so lonesome ,but leave me in ur dreams.i miss u is wat I’ll say,but e pain within u’ll never know.this I’ll tell u dear lil girl.i’ll love u till I go.

2007-12-26T05:06:00.000+08:00

mystified by ur disappearance.all i had was my loneliness.u came by to keep me company,and those 11 mths they felt like eternity.never did i want it to end,neither did i want to be be this way.but wat's happened has happened.and e oni one to take e blame is me i say.e nicest thing among all others.e prettiest flower that ever bloomed.be it in purple or blue,those were wat i gave to u.come share e heartache i put u thru,cos i don't wanna see u in pain and suffer.but hell that's what's goin thru ur head there was nothing in lieu that wasn’t paid . I noe from e chat we had. I am a monster u claim . but u never wanna make me ur lover . again. we shared a bond bounded by more than just love. ur happiness was wat i wanted. but i noe that it came along wid e hurt. tell me then how i can make it right. cos i wanna see e light. save me baby. like u did when i first saw u.sitting by e road.oni to see u hide.u reappeared and told me hi.i smiled back and replied b4 i turned and blushed inside.all these days,i remember e day.from which our lives will never be e same.i gave u all u wanted, and even more. i hurt u like i've never done before.better than ur mother i know u i claim.but that's something that's not e same.leave ur mother,that u can't.leave me,that u'll always want.we shared a bed of roses in ur abode.and we shared e kiss that can never grow.ur hugs gave me warmth.while ur kisses gave me e passion.but ur smile alone was my reason to live.and i bet that u'll never know.we split ways a long time ago.1 yr ago to be exact,but i noe that i feel u deep inside.i sold my chain and my ring,so i could buy u your things.i din wanna say no to u.cos u're e oni one i love it's true.it's been a yr once again i say.and i remember every incident as if it was,yesterday.every event that made ur eyes sparkle and all e good things that come to mind.those are memories that e wind blew,to stay wid me and it'll remain thru.just hear my prayer dear wind so strong.blow those wonders to her b4 long.i wanna see her b4 the end.cos when it happens she'll never care.i never knew how much it meant to have u by my side.till e day u were never there,and told me to “go and die” that was wat it took for me to snap back into reality,cos I tot u were still mine. Pain fills this lonesome heart that u threw and burnt and discarded in yearn. I noe now that u have gone,never to return. Just move on that’s what u ask of me.but please stay on with my humble apologies.oh baby tell me then that it is true,those many words u told me too, praying to god,I have said.hand her all e happiness she wills.and give me all e pain she yields. Undeserving of any suffering any more, all I can do is to love u more. Travel e country I have done. Just to feed u cos u’re my hun. Well over 2 hrs. I would travel with my mind in reverse, just cos u were sick, it made me go oh so weak. Nurse u till u were fine oni then was I to ease my mind. But those days will never be remembered, cos I’m e bad guy u’ve always hated. The tears u shed those are remembered,and they tear me to bits like a tiger in it’s hunger. these are episodes u’ve never known. And now they’ll all end and remain in e unknown.
Prove me wrong and make it right. That all ur love is stll in sight.it’s a love that will never end. This I’ll say to e greatest God too. Those sweet nothings of “I’ll stay with u”. where e hell did it lead me to. Everyone said it’s a love seen nowhere before. I shall claim u’ll not see it anymore.
Romeo and Juliet. The greatest love in history. We made them shame with our love in eternity.
And gone were e days when I was taken care of when I was sick.or when I covered u when u were cold.those are memories u can live without,but those are e greatest times I ever will feel.parents love I did without.and so it came all from u.my momma, my papa,my nana and my dada.in u I saw them all. Me felt e love that I din receive in 17yrs of me miserable life.all u want is to be free,from e pain that I been causing.so pray my baby that I will leave.beg to god together with me.and ask him to take me please.

With love and regards,
magic

and a merry christmas to ya'll 25/12/07

2007-12-03T13:50:00.000+08:00

I dont wanna wait in vain for your love,
cause if summer is here,
Im still waiting there;
Winter is here,
And Im still waiting there.Its been one year since Im knockin on your door,
And I still can knock some more:
ooh girl, is it feasible?
I wanna know now, for I to knock some more.
Ya see, in life I know theres lots of grief,
But your love is my relief:
Tears in my eyes burn - tears in my eyes burn
while Im waiting for my turn.Its me love that youre running from.
turn back.look at me.and feel my yearn..

2007-12-02T17:11:00.000+08:00

been 2 and a half months since i last blogged.and well.it;s natural cos i haven't got e time.in NS now and it sucks.at times feel like can just shoot myself wid my rifle.but hell.they dun issue e rounds.oni e rifle.so can squeeze e trigger how many times i want,but i'll still stand there smelling e whiff of an oiled up rifle.haiz.so many things have happened.been to hosp twice this past mth alone.grandpa passed away last monday.and today is gonna be e devasam or sumthin.whereby have to scatter e ashes in e sea.haiz.life sucks simply.and no matter at which angle i look at it from,i can never find e good thing abt life.e oni time i feel at ease is when i'm asleep.it's e oni time i have nothing in my head.and am on my way to neverland.to have fun.to dream e dreams which can never be reality.or e memories which will never return.this are the words not of a soldier but a human being.they say real men don't cry.but even shedding a tear of joy is crying.so e person who said so is definitely a brainless maniac.hand him over to me and i'll shove a drill up his anus.dumb fuck.well i dono why am getting worked up now.and have to concentrate on my lion dance and camp.haiz.life's short.and u can never do everything u want.i have many dreams,but i noe my dreams will stop sumwhere.i can never fulfil them.and i'm getting lazy.maybe i'll blog again later in e night.it's oni 5.20 now.

the dreams within me at night,are of a time we left in spite.
i know i'll never get a chance to go back into e past.
neither will i ever wanna do so again.
bittersweet memories they claim.i now noe what that means.
but the evil monster within,never wants to let go.
a catastrophe waiting to happen.a meteor on it's way.
i'll take it all in my stride.but e hurt within my heart.that's all i dun wanna noe.
i welcome death with open arms.cos i fear not even iblis.
take me along i say.but put me far ahead of ur sway.
i noe i've strayed.i also noe i'm on e straight path again.
why is it then that my dreams still kill me so.
oh please never let me go.hold me close to e arms that draws e sword and pulls e trigger.
cos those are e arms that will guarantee me salvation if i were to die one day.
if i die one day i'll die in sum1's arms i claim.but how strong is it,no one noes.
e pain it brings to e souls that care.that i won't noe.cos i'll never be there :D

2007-09-28T16:05:00.000+08:00

i now noe e pain u felt
with each blow u were dealt.
u're strong baby girl.
took it in ur stride u did.
teach me then how i could be like u.
cos i need u now,more than ever.
i'm all fired up.to give u this world.
but i noe u're no more my baby girl.
i just wish i had reflected,
and made my past decisions deported.
this i noe which is true,i've said it then and i'll say it thru
baby girl,i'll always love u.
i hold out my open arms oni to see u walk away.
why do u hate me till this day.
did u intend on hurting me so,
to exact e revenge which has been made itself known,
u've change a million times to ppl all arnd.
but i'll remind u that u're always e same.
note the difference between me and e rest.
cos i swear to god.only i know u best.
with each painful word i tear my heart.
as i finish this right from e start.
tears well up,for each moment i live without u,
so come back baby girl and save us both e pain this damned world hurls.

*with her in mind this is done wid much thought and consideration :D

2007-09-20T07:01:00.000+08:00

save me,
over and over i cry to u.
but then i noe,
they mean nothing too.
value my words and hold me now.
before i fall in this valley of doom,
cos when i'm gone u'll face e moon.
this i noe,cos i dare say.
u'll see my face in e moon everyday.
ur love for me has gone astray,
let me lead it back this way.
all i ask is for 1 single chance.
nothing as far as a romance.
this was a match made in heaven,
or so they claimed when i was near.
but now i'm just number seven.
steer my ship and pull me up,
b4 i drown waiting for my love.
so come my princess save me now.
all i need is my love to say,
baby i still love u till this day.
these are words i long for.
these are e words i heard before.
so now i plead and cry till i bleed.
save me my love,
and save me now :(

2007-09-20T06:36:00.000+08:00

well.i'm blogging again today.and for a change,i'm in a slightly better mood :D.hahax.me b'dae was a blast except for a few stupid probs.which escalated and eventually ended as nothing.haiz.sad events sia.me was so gone on that day.so many ppl came.and i din expect that kinda crowd.woah would be so proud of meself if so many ppl even attended me funeral.i think when i die if i see such a crowd,i'll sit up in me coffin,pat myself on e shoulder,say well done to meself and go back to e lying down position.hahax.well.i dono ahx.i enjoy tokin abt death and all.i dono if that makes me a depressed emo kid,or a sadist.but i just can't bear ppl always blaming me for everything.i've never meant anyone harm.but wat can i do if watever i set out to do.turns topsy-turvy.but hell who do i blame,but myself.right?well.that's always e case.so like akon sings,put e blame on me.cos everything is always me fault.dono why it's so.but it is.i just want 1 thing for my b'dae and i wished for it when blowing out e candles.and i hope i get it back. :D well.i noe wat i'm tokin abt and dun wish to be specific.dowan too many busybodied scumbags arnd town.but hey things look brighter.

well me chatted wid sum1 just now.sum1 special.and made me damn glad.and for heaven's gracious spirit,managed to tok on e phone as well.woah.i dono if it will last.cos i told e person.that i suspect a possession of other worldly sorts.lolx.yeah.serious.cos that's how e person is.can be all nice to me 1 moment,and can hate me to e core e next.well.that's HER.but seriously ppl say i've changed.but man i dun think so.i still love her.and so that means i'm still me.and even if i'm changed,has to be for e better right?i guess.saddens me that i got totally pissed at club e other day.all i did was just wanna tok to her.but then she din want to.but wanted to wish me instead.and i told her off.stupid me.haiz.she at least spared e tot damn it.and she was like practically wishing me on e phone many times at e stroke of midnight.does this mean that she still cares?well if it were so,all i ask for is a chance to show.that i'm reformed.no one wants to lose a diamond twice.so i'm dead confident i'll treasure her.but i dono how confident she is abt it.well.all i can say is.i'll be there for her till e very end.till my very last breath,and for heaven's sake.i think i'll be there for her even after i'm gone.i'll guard her. :D but then i don't wanna hold her down.and pressurise her.or make it seem like i am.i just want her to noe that i still exist and that i only ask for 1 single chance.well.i dono how to make things right.oni 2 ways.kill all e ppl who are tokin or kill myself and haunt them.e 1st 1 is a tough 1.cos i'm bound to go to hell.but hey e 2nd choice seems feasible.well.i've got so many things on me damned head now.so me asked a few ppl.and they gave suggestions.i guess e feeling of jumping as is e trend nowadays is just like bungee jumping.just that u noe u are never coming back up,and are gonna land hard.but e euphoria u get for that little while has to be great i guess.lolx.i guess no one will noe unless they try it.lolx.man i'm goin nuts.hahax.but hell who cares.let it be.it's only me.but then i dono.i wanna pull thru.and be happy wid her all over again.i wanna provide for her.and let her know my love for her has oni gotten stronger.so read my plea to e stars.and give me just this 1 chance i long for :'( . peace be upon all.

123

2007-09-01T11:16:00.000+08:00

another night another dream.
another side to fill the seams.
why i do this i won't noe.
when i'm gone i'll never show.
my heart aches when i care.
it bleeds when u ain't there.
love noes no boundaries.
or so they claim.
but u stopped it all.
and filled me wid pain.
why then did u love me.
to leave and go?
to show me how it hurts.
when i cringe and cry no one noes.
these are e pains i need to let go.
just noe 1 thing and that is true.
my sweet love,i still love u :D

2007-08-28T11:19:00.000+08:00

well me am back and i haven't blogged in a while.cos i been real busy.and man now i'm real down.Vicky's gone.and he's never to return.why did he do this?why did he leave us all?i'm afraid to care and love ppl much after what's happened cos e 4 ppl i really valued have left me to carry on forever.Jega started e procedure a few yrs back,next along SHE came and left my life.saying she din care.along with that had to endure e pain of seeing me dear uncle's untimely demise.now along wid Jega and me uncle vicky has gone never to return.none will noe what i truly feel cos i've never taken anything this bad.but a blow after another is not sumthing i want to have.damn it Vicky u still are e handsome chap i know.u still looked good when i sent u off yest.u broke me down totally.e only person i've ever shed tears for was her.and damn u din think of me did u?u din think of how we,ur brothers will feel if we were to lose u.i've decided never to vare for anyone like i did for e 4 of them.cos all i love will leave sumday and leave me in mortal pain.feelings aren't there to be messed with.but then i noe they'll never fade.i still remember what we clearly did till e time of this day.all i ask is for u to be a brother again in me next life.cos i can never get another like u.

well u know.i've been goin thru 1 shit after another.and ppl are asking me.why is it that when i get ready to pick up e pieces,another puzzle breaks to scatter everythin.why.i swear i don't know.and i don't wanna know.cos i'll just be giving myself more pain and i'll never feel better so.was chatting wid suba last night.and told her how i feel.i just hope i can reunite wid either 1 of them soon. :D anyway me am getting more depressed.so will blog later.peace ya'll and do pray for me dear brother's soul.

prayer for ur demise

2007-08-28T11:04:00.000+08:00

what did i do that wasn't enough?what did i do that showed i din care?
why then though did u leave us all?and let us seek ur soul.u cared for us more than we did of ourselves.
like an angel without wings,u stood by us as a brother.now u tell us all,"oh don't bother"
what will it be like to lose a wonder like u to e nothingness of this world.well brother,this i say to u.
i'll always be here and will never fear cos i'll be praying for u.u were here,u were there.u were everywhere even after ur demise.my poor heart aches when i think of u.cos i noe that it isn't true.
come back brother and tell me now.that u'll also miss me too.all i can say is if u need sum1 bring me back along wid u :'(

in loving memory of my brother bloodbath Vicky(2/07/1986-25/8/2007)

2007-06-12T13:20:00.000+08:00

well well.been really god damn long since i last blogged.and many things have happened.a few things were meant to hurt and others were made to please me.but to hell with those.1st and foremost got those mother-fucking tix to sivaji.how cool can that be?hahax.i am gonna be e 1st to watch it.mwahaha.u all are so gonna gloat.but dun worry.u'll all get to watch it.so dun curse aite?haiz.i gotta go to cantonment tml.will be meeting nesh after that.steady boh?.then after that gotta go to e movie on thursday.and then will be back on friday.and have to rest till sat.and then gotta go to hosp on sat wid mommy.well.in fact i just came back.and am freaking tired.cos i travelled all over.1st had to go save sara shaun in woodlands,then go yishun,and then come back.sianz.seriously.i realise my life is goin down e drain.went club on sat.and damn my balls are peepin frm my mouth now.they are jammed at my throat.cos i did sumthing really stupid on sat.in fact i brought sumthin stupid to club.and left it there.wtf.AHHHHHHHHH.dead.screwed.and totally annihilated.ccb.i've finally managed to come to a conclusion. GIRLS ARE ALWAYS BITCHES AND WILL REMAIN SUCH. they'll never change.so guys. never love a girl.dun bother.cos they'll never appreciate.and they'll never understand anyway.to them.it's "there are always better guys out there". they are e most ungrateful,most vile and uncouth characters on the face of this earth.they are e devil.they devour ur soul from e inside and leave u all empty.and they deserve to be trampled on.damn they are making me hate their kind more and more.and i dono why.wat?can't u bitches appreciate?can't u ever understand love?u were e ones who brought abt e downfall of man.sneaky creatures.even at genesis.ur kind was e one who handed over e fruit to adam.damned eve.damned bitch.ur kind will be banished and lost forever.cos like i said.ur kind don't deserve no damn respect.to piss me off more.2 dumbos wanna tag my blog.knn.dumb fucks.i guess had their momma's hearts broken by me.such pitiful characters aren't they.well give ur mommas back to me.i'll help mend their hearts.ccb.spoilin ppl's moods ler this kinda ppl all.but heck ain't got time to entertain them.u all feelin bored go play snakes and ladders dun come arnd annoying me.screwed weirdos.i ain't got time for ur shit.got much on my mind now.and damn i dono watta do.WASTED everything on 1 person.threw my life down e drain.for an ungrateful character.haiz.gone ler .gone.

u know it's time,to leave and go.
when all she says is i don't love u so,
but when u want it,u gotta get it,
cos u noe that none can beat her flow.
she's proven it all.that she's e one.
that all e love was just forlorn.
i never knew,how much it meant.
to tell her that i don't love you.
it was a mistake on my part.
but where is that tiny thing that they call a heart?
don't u have it baby girl.
don't u see e way i curl,
when i slp.or when i'm crying.
those are e things that have kept me from dying.
the pain i feel is still so real.
how then could u say it's all surreal.
i poured my heart to hear u say.
i love u baby till this day,
those are words u dowanna mutter
when all i could do was stand and stutter.
i lost my soul when i hit u.
but i lost my life when i lost u.
i din realise it would boil down to this.
but pls baby girl give me one final kiss.
i want it now,not when i die.
cos those are not why i lied.
i din wanna hurt u.
i din wanna push u.
all i did was just to want u.
u claim i'm a pain.
when u're alive.but dun cry for me on e day i die.

P.S: these ain't all grabbed from anywhere and they are all true.so peace be unto those who see me thru :D

2007-05-26T13:27:00.000+08:00

whatever i might do, i love u i said
whatever it is,i don't need u she said.
i told her to take away e pain she inflicted.
why shud i,when u brought it so she asks me in return.
this fights are not for u and me.
lovers are what we are meant to be.
to hell wid e faggots who are there to spoil things
to live wid u is all i have been dreaming.
dun let it turn out this way baby.
just dun tell me maybe.
cos e maybe hurts e most.
it's e love that i need.
it's e love that i want u to be e host of.
just like how u held me once.
i wasn't appreciative then.
i need ur love now.
and i guess i'll never get it again.
is this what we had in mind?
will my love withstand e test of time.
all i noe is we've planned it so.
till e extent of seeing our kids grow.
why then did u have to pull e plug.
and have us both end it so.
all i noe is i'll never go.
and all i want is to have u so.
all i ask is for a chance in return.
for e love that u'll be given.
why are we,so blind to see.
that e ones we hurt are u and me.
all i need is that 1 chance to let me hear u say
"I LOVE U BABY"

well.wat a way to start my post.hahax.well.been very busy recently.and e worst thing is.imma broke.haiz.i oni got like 60 or 70 cents on me now.and it sucks.damn it.haiz.i dono ah.all my money gone.cos i am sum1 doing charity u see.i always end up spending my cash on others more than on myself.haiz.loaned a few ppl money.and ain't small amnts.but now i'm broke and i need a loan myself.wtf.my mommy has gone to india for god noes how long.and i can't even ask her to trasfer me some cash.hahax.gone.gone.i think this is e sign that all is gonna end soon.cos i'm losing everything of value to me 1 by 1.once i lose my clothes then that will be e end lorx.oh yeah i went to HITRAN'S hse yest. and so damn cool.i so adore her whole family except for 1 person who freaked me out.damn.so scary sia.aiyo.hahax.i and her father are fwens.mwahaha.and i can be her mommy's bf.lolx.the mommy say i look very boyish.so that means i'm a boy and i can be her fwen.so which makes me her bf.right anot?weeee.haiz.my stomach is starting to hurt again.i coughing like hell.and i'm afraid i'll get a fever again.haiz.i now dowanna die so soon.hahax.i see that there's a reason to live.and it's obviously HER.so i've kinda stopped drinking liaox.i can't drink no more.i get sick after i drink.i dono why.and it sucks.was my only companion and it's all gone now.haiz her prezzie is still with me.i so wanna put it on for her myself. just like a thali.and let her be happy.but hell she hates me more each day.haiz.she blames me for everything.EVERY SINGLE THING.damn.but i'll never blame her.cos i noe i oni love her.and u dun blame e one u love.sum1 told me just now.she might seem this way but deep down she cares.haiz.i wish it were thru.i just wanna show her that i've changed.that's all.and i ask for that 1 chance.but hell gonna be 7 mths since i waited :D.but nvm.i'll wait.i dun mind.oh and b4 i forget.i think e singapore government also doesn't want me.cos everyone younger than me goin camp ler.but imma still stuck at hm and rotting.call me up arses.i so wanna go to NS and get away frm everything.save me GOD

*my love for her shall never fade nor end.*

2007-05-21T01:40:00.000+08:00

firstly i wana say.TO HELL WITH LOVE.oooh that feels much better.and yeah i really dun believe that such a thing as love exists anymore.cos it doesn't really exist.they say that parents takin care of their child is out of love.but i guess it's cos of the term DUTY.they have to take care of their child if not,who will.right?brothers and sisters feel that way as well abt each other.it's their duty.and so u see.everything is just a task laid ahead.nothing revolves arnd that term.so i now realise,my duty is to try my best at getting back to my previous life.so this i say to everyone out there. mother-fuckers be warned but bitches beware.cos i noe what i'm gonna do frm now on.enough of bein made use of.enough of goin thru shit.enuff of bein trampled on. am gonna have fun taking all e problems heads on.cos u live 1ce u die 1ce.why worry abt when it's gonna be i say 1ce again.cos now i noe.how much shit it can cause.how much shit LOVE or watever it is can cause.it only destroys lifes.and i say it's a bitter sweet pill.it's e most marvelous feeling when u fall in love.but it's also e worst when u fall out of it.it's sort of a 2-in-1 thingy.and kinda contradicting.that i still love her.after waiting so long.and noeing that she's gonna be e ungrateful person she is.and e one who oni remembers all e negative stuff.and cares abt her own arse.well i guess that's why they say love is blind.but hell wat can i do?i've loved her,and i ain't gonna be like her.who can go to sum other person.and claim that she loves that person just a few days after falling out of a relationship.knn.balls lehx.wtf.u girls out to mess wid guys lifes izzit?use ur bloody brains.damn.i can safey lay claim that i've only loved 1 girl and will die doing so.but can she do e same thing?HELL NO.and cos of this i'm always above her.mwahaha.makes me so proud of myself.that i ain't a bastard yet.but hell.she drove me to desparation.but i dun blame her.cos i noe e shit i put her thru.and what i tell everyone is always e same.lolx.what she went tru no other bitch can go thru.so i salute her for that.anyway.imma feeling more stressed tokin abt e past.cos it's remindin me of everything.and hell i wanna go and rest now.so yeah.peace.

2007-05-17T02:52:00.000+08:00

damn am i pissed.with so many things happening.wtf.1stly with e mother fucker who tagged as her.damn it u bitch.i noe it ain't her.i noe HER damn well.and i noe.she ain't such.she won't even bother abt me rememberin her b'dae so u damned-to-hell faggot wanna pose for wat fuck?ccb.u load of bitches out there just remember 1 thing.u all can never replace HER.geddat into ur head.damn it.i oni love her.and forever will.so yeah.e 2nd thing imma pissed abt is how i never eben contact suba,chitra,soya bean or anybody.damn what could have made me so busy?couldn't i even spare time for them?and hell.i am so totally feelin fucked cos i can't pass HER wat i've got for her.haiz.it hurts.but then e BITCH who rubbed salt to make matters worse i hate u e most.made me hurt more.damn it.i been having fever for 4 days now.haiz.my temp shot up to 39.4 yest and i couldn't walk anymore in town.so i went to get a jab.and am feelin a bit better now.but hell.i just wish she was there to take care of me again.and i met DEEPA today.missed my tangachi.hahax.she was wid me e whole day.but feel so fucked up for makin her go back alone.hahax.i and she were e oni 1s supposed to meet.but e pair of us ended up becomin a whole lot of abt 15 of us.mwahahax.DEEPA THAT'S HOW MUCH BROS U HAVE IN YISHUN NOW.soon to have more no worries.i wanna meet her again tml.hahax.at least she's fun to hang out wid.but damn.she kept askin me to do wat i always wanted and been waiting for 6 mths for.but deepsu,it's not me. not that i dowan.understand?hahax.nvm nvm.tml we see wat to do.i think better we go town or bugis.i bring u go to e pool centre there so u can have chinese god bros also.mwahahax.she was forever disturbed damn.hahax.nvm nvm.i wanna slp liaox. AND HAPPY BELATED B'DAE TO MY BITCH.U'RE SORELY MISSED BY ME :D. PEACE TO YA'LL AGAIN

2007-05-06T22:29:00.000+08:00

SCREWED.damn it.tml must go back station in e mrng.haiz.and am gonna get my hair turned to black later.no choice.cos they said that if i din then they gonna make sure i go court on tuesday.wat bastards.damn.and now suba gimme 1 more stress.the sumthing not nice lehx.aiyo.and yeah.club was happening.woohoo.been clubbin e past 2 days.and i was pissed drunk yest.couldn't even walk.hahax.had to make up for e few weeks i haven't drank.lolx.so cover up 1 shot.so u all shud noe how much i woulda dranked yest. :p . ain't my fault.i can't stop it.all these things happen naturally.lolx.i haben call chitra yet.haiz.stressed sia.i need to get my medicines soon also.cos my stomach startin to hurt again.but heck.if they remand me i get them for free :D. the cops have to get it for me.so i end up saving money but wasting my life.if i get let off.which has got as much chance as me becomin bill gates son in law.i'll end up wastin money but having my whole life ahead restored.so i guess i'll choose e 2nd option lolx.haiz.nvm nvm.HITRAN 1 day we all go out if all goes well tml.cos i also got nothing else to do liaox.so spend money till all finish.then go back to work.and end up workin like a dog again.haiz.i wish SHE would meet me on her b'day.but that will surely not happen.she wouldn't want me to spoil that special day for her i guess.hahax.cos according to her.that's what i always do.spoil everything.hahax.i dono why.which is why i conclude that girls can never be understood.i got more chance in becomin a millionaire by e age of 23 or 24 than understanding girls.sianz.nvm nvm.i just wanna wait.as long as it takes.i noe i'll succeed 1 day.and if i get let off might meet sujita tml.lolx.so long since i saw that arsehole.hahax.well i gotta run now.gotta get my hair to black.so blog again tml folks.peace :D

I'M BACKKK

2007-05-05T07:52:00.000+08:00

IMMA BACK... :D . been quite a while since i blogged.well.been goin thru shit again.this damned cops seriously can never get enough of me eh?well watta do.i guess i really do have a attractive face.one which attracts all sorta characters.damn.frm e real nice ppl.to e nasty ones.to e downright hopeless ones.and all i can do is just take everything comin my way.and heck i'll give it back with some recoil.lolx.if u've learned science u'll noe that e force of a recoil is much more than e force of it hitting u.so if u were nice to me i'll be super duper tazmaniacally nice to u.lolx.but if u are gonna get on my wrong end.my dead grandpa's balls to u mother fucker.whoever u are.cos seriously.that's half e ppl out there now.that's what they all are.enough shit they've done to my life.enough they've made me lose.but well.i believe i can pick myself up again.i can get it all back.hahax.suba,soba and chitra (SSC) you'll all noe wat i mean.lolx.i swear i'll get her back.if it costs me my life.cos she ain't so easy to give up.anyone want her.kill me to have her.that's all i'm willing to say.cos i dare say.she's worth more than my life now.wtf was i up to?din i noe that it will end up like this when i so easily broke her tiny precious heart?HELL NO,i didn't.FUCK.if i did.i wouldn't have done so.and i dono why she doesn't wanna give me another chance.cos that's all i ask for.ONE MORE CHANCE.to prove myself baby,to prove that i've changed.to prove that.imma for e better.to prove that i'll treasure u forever and ever.heck i dun even think she'll read my blogs.well all e better.cos then she won't noe wat i've planned and all.mwahahax.but a surprise awaits her.and suba noes it :D . hahax.tell me she'll be stunned submarine.woohoo.i been working my ass off for that only.hahax.speaking abt work.i been working for quite sometime now.and i realise.i am how she wanted me to be.but is it too late?i dun think so.i noe her.she ain't some heartless whore.in fact she's got a heart of gold.and she'll realise how much she means to me.so i'll just wait for her to accept it all.and be willing to accept me AGAIN.and i hope it happens soon.i wanna be able to care for her.to do everything for her again.cos NO OTHER BITCH DESERVES ANYTHING FRM ME. and hell i'mma serious abt it.so bitches who wanna have anything funny to do with me.back off.u want my heart?go and get it frm her.cos it ain't with me.hers is i dono with who.but mine is definitely with her.not only my heart,but everything.and it seriously sickens and saddens me to see her wasting her time,and her youth,thinking that she's having fun and all.but heck half those damned bastards dun care abt u ass.geddat into ur head.they act as if they do.oni a few ppl truly have ur interests at heart.and i swear imma one of them.is asking u to improve urself wrong?i told u i'll put u thru skl pig.i was willing to guide u and teach u along e way.but u fought with me over that even.that's cos i dowanna hear anyone calling u useless or anything like that for that matter.i've told u a million times.i wanna be e one to make u cry and e one to wipe away ur tears.an excerpt frm one of my fav songs goes "you said u cried a thousand rivers,but now u're swimming for e shore,u left me drowning in my tears and u won't save me anymore.pray to god youll give me one more chance girl" COOL ain't it?if u're wondering wat song it's frm go to my fwensta proffy and listen to 'i'll be there for you' .how much more true can a song be?hahax.but heck i'll remain confident.cos i dono why i feel like i'll be able to get her back soon. :D.and it's keepin me goin strong.hey laugh not.cos she's all that imma living for.well imma just afraid submarine.u say u wanna go on monday.wat if they dun let me go back.and i get "held back" (dun wanna use e proper term or all will noe) lolx.then i'll be gone alrd noe :'( then i cannot do anything alrd.all gone.seriously.SCARY.cos if i'm put away,it will be for a god damn long time.and i bet no one will ever remember me,or even noe who i was.it's only now that all e hoo-ha is going on.but come that point of time.so many yrs down e road.i'll be forgotten.and it'll hurt most if she's gone frm my grasp totally.alrd now when i'm arnd and trying my wholesome best for 6 mths she still doesn't bother and is never moved.u think she will remember me if she doesn't hear anything of me for many yrs?haiz.i brought this upon myself.i dun blame u pig.and i never did.i blame myself.for everything.even how u are now.it's not a nice sight to see u like this.cos this ain't MY BITCH.u never liked this lifestyle.well u might be possessed lolx.who noes.and well.i got some piece of good news.weeee.i can live :D .cos it seems that losing 1 kidney won't affect a person much.and i can continue with everything as per normal.other than e drinking and stuff.so yeah.suba noes that imma planning to stop smoking and drinking. three cheers for me eh :D. imma gonna focus on working and trying to set everything right.woohoo.hahax.i worked 4 days straight day and night without sleep.just so that i'll get my pay o time to buy her a few small things.and i hope she appreciates them.and likes them.cos i put my heart and soul into trying to get e money for it.so much sweat.so much pain.but it'll all be worth it.if i manage to convince her.and have her again.so imma gonna go back to working if by god's grace nothing happens on monday.sianz.i'll go to buy e things with suba frm there and then go to work.maybe all e way till saturday.hahax,and take sunday off.and then continue again on monday.well i gotta work hard if i wanna prove my point right?thankfully there are shower facilities and all at work.or i'll stink,not being able to go hm for a week,not changing clothes and all.but e worst is not having any sleep.i was walking like a zombie on tuesday when i finished work totally.i wanted to continue.but my boss din wanna let me.and all e good reason.cos e headlines for that day were of a woman who worked herself to death.man i dowan that to happen.cos i wanna die in her arms :D . so i'm gonna now just stay focused on my task.lolx.and yeah ryan,u stupid faggot.u forced me.i din want to.u noe me.damn it man.why?i told u many times b4.u won't noe it now.but then u'll regret sooner or later arsehole.and i esp dowanna see u in e same position as me.dun ever ruin ur health and life like i did dumbo.be a lil smart at least u dumb bastard.that's e oni thing i can say.and well.SUBA. thanks for being there these past week.i seriously have come to appreciate u.but talk more will u?hahax.u've seriously been a help but a tad discouraging.WHAT NO HOPE? damn you.lolx.help me out la.why she and that bugger got sumthing sumthing ah?u saying no hope all.if not sure got hope wat.right anot?help me out will u?aiyo.be a goodu fwendu lahx.haiz.do me this favour.get us back together.u have that power.hahax.but seriously.thanks alot.cos i realise how much sense your words make.i might crap e shit outta u at times.and imma sowwie.but u noe i dun mean anything bad for u right?just do well for ur 3 papers this yr babe.go to a poly.i'll be damn glad.and yeah.MONDAY IF NOTHING HAPPENS.SWENSENS. MY TREAT. KAE?lolx.i kinda realise,u're like sister and mother figure i never had.who would advice me and stuff.so frm e bottom of my heart i thank u once again.and u better accept my apology.cos u're e oni other person i apologise to other than my laus.understand?hahax.till i blog again.peace to all amitabha.mwahahax.

2007-04-16T07:36:00.000+08:00

damn it.fuck them cops.i swear.ccb.arrested me.go ahead make my day bastards.hahax.i can't

forget e looks on their faces when i told them that i had kidney probs and threw my medical

letter at their face.bastards.to hell wid ya'll.damn it.hahax.but heck.i got free tea and all.and

they let me slp.lolx.but fuck.how much stupider can they get?wanna charge me if i get arrested

again?go ahead bastards make my day.i won't even have to stand trial.hahax.stupid cops wastin

their own time.but hey.ain't my fault.wat i said was true.damn bloody fools.will arrest ppl after

sumthin has happened a long time back.or they won't even be able to make an arrest.but they'll

go arnd catching e bystanders and spoilin ppl's parties.but hell.i think i'm gonna complain abt e

food they give.cb.i think even if a dog looks at it also it won't have e appetite to consume it.so

unappetising to e senses.which was why i threw mine away.hahax.but heck.wastin my damn

time tokin abt ppl who have nothing to do and act all goody when they have so much crap goin

on in e office itself.well.so much chaos yest.damn.and ryan.u noe why i punched u.i told u damn

it.tok abt me.but dun tok abt ppl who i value.and heck i also told u.not to lemme catch u bein a

double headed snake.but heck.u din listen.dun blame me.but instead think.cos i told u b4.u have

ur last chance left.and u used it up.it doesn't hurt u as much as it hurts me u dumb jabronie.cos i

dun lay hands on ppl easily.but hell.when i snap.i go haywire.and u felt it yesterday.but hell no

am i gonna say sorry.cos like i said.i oni will tell sorry to 1 person in my life.and u all know who.in

fact so far i think she's e oni 1 i apologised to.but heck.no grudges eh ryan.lolx.that's me

ppl.that's me.i can go crazy and be e craziest fella on earth 1 moment.and e other i can be e

sweetest bastard u can ever find.lolx.that's how i wanna be and wanna remain.totally

unpredictable.well.went to meet yao sheng just now.and he was driving.we drove arnd a lil and

stuff.and hey.waddya noe.we got an appointment this sat.lolx.well.all i noe is.i am doin wat i

planned.and imma glad.woohoo.DXO and MOMO here i come.i'm sick of indian clubs liaox.i'm

sick of bumblebees and i'm sick of MOS.damn.but heck clubs always bore u after a while.it's all e

underaged freaks that get e thrill.mwahahahax.and ryan's photo is getting great publicity in my

profile.woohoo.lolx.so much has been happening.and i dono watta do.hahax.been having my

plates full.and it's getting overflowed.damn.i hate this screwed life.cb.wish i was younger.and all

carefree.when i din have to worry abt anything..when all was well.when i had everything i ever

wanted.it's like u dun realise it until u think deep.and realise that all's just a waste.u ain't gonna

have anything wid u in ur grave.so why do u wanna work so hard.this has prompted me to just

have fun.do everything i can never do after i go 6 feet under.well.that's life.u ain't gonna be able

to predict wat's gonna happen.weee.heck.let it be.imma bastard.lolx.and i'm proud to be one.cos

how many ppl dare declare such.i do.so i ain't ashamed.i noe what i've done.and i ain't gonna live

wid fear.so yeah.well.anyone wanna join me drinking and clubbing and all can just tell

me.hahax.but heck.try and bring sum money at least.cos i can't be paying for everyone.am just

starting to work.and haven't got that much cash.worser still i got kicked outta my hse

yesterday.and thankfully everyone was at sara's hse.and now i have no money to even go

hm.damn.well till i can think of wat i'm gonna do.i'll be ending my blog here.peace ya'll

ryan

2007-04-14T17:45:00.000+08:00

hahax.imma back today and yeah.i forgot.happy new yr to e indians out there.weeee.heck imma

damn bored.but i simply am too tired and weak to do anything.i dowanna do anything.well am in

sara's hse now.waiting for RYAN.lolx.e stupid clown u'll see in my fwensta. :D.he's a scumbag.but

he's ok.lolx.so he's a ok scumbag u can say.hahax.but heck.he's comin over.and am gonna disturb

him again.woohoo.damn u're so gonna die ryan.hahax.i dono why.i simply love disturbing

him.but hell.he's very quiet always.and this i must say DUN TRUST QUIET PPL. cos they are e

ones who are actually e worst.lolx.they keep everything to themselves and later curse u in

silence and then they also do things that ppl who tok alot don't.and that is being a double-headed

snake.no offence eh ryan.not referring to u.but hell.i have nothing to do.and it's this kinda

situations that piss me off.and make me wanna drink.so yeah i guess that's what i'm gonna

do.heck kidneys.so wat if i lose e other one.i can get a replacement frm sum1 in china or

sumthin.lolx.so why bother i say.enjoy life.die young.woohoo.and heck.i duno who this anon

is.but seems a nice person.well thanks eh anon.hahax.HITRAN.u got a fetish for ass?

omg.hahax.subas is feelin a lil better now.and guess what.i linked UMA.been so long sia.like wat

2 yrs since i even toked to her or anything.poor her.she's in india.she was a berry bad girl in

sg.so her parents sent her there.now she's all a ooru-karchi.hahax.ando.but heck she's still a gd

fwen.and am thankful for that.but UMA how can u blae ur startin smokin on me?wat did i do?

damn it?lolxbut hell i ain't gonna accept responsibility.cos if i remember correctly i din wanna

give u cigarettes. :p .i've learnt that i have to count my blessings.but must always remember my

downward spiral.cos i dun think it will end anytime soon.hahax.even e frensta horoscopes says

that i have my plate full now.and i shudn't get involved in more things.but how not to.it's a part

of me to stick my head everywhere.to do anything and everything.u only live once.so why

bother abt what u're doin.so go ahead do everything i say.not oni e good stuff but e bad as

well.cos all are learning experiences.u'll never know wat it feels like unless u''ve been there.but

hey.dun take it as me influenicing.cos imma merely stating how i look at things.and my

outlook.diff ppl have diff opinions.but nothing in this world is a bigger killer than love.trust me.so

gals.imma begging u all.PLS DUN EVER USE E WORD LOVE TO UR ADVANTAGE.cos it's a

seriously nice thing.but heck half e girls out there are using it and breaking hearts.why?is that

how u're all meant to be?sianz.nvm nvm.later then.i gonna go drink soon liaox.

WOAH.COOL IT

2007-04-05T06:30:00.000+08:00

Been a few days since i blogged.well it's all cos i been busy.hahax.seriously.and wth.i just came

back frm e hosp and my op is most prob gonna get brought forward by a week.all cos i vomited

blood again yest.it started with a cough in e mrng.and alrd then i suspected sumthin was not

very right.since my temp was alrd goin thru e ceiling.hahax.am still running a fever now.but let's

hope it subsides.cos i got a jab.and it ain't for nothing right?injections hurt damn it.hahax.but

seriously.e pain on e outside is nothing compared to e pain on e inside.and it's been hurting

for since god knows when.my sickenin doc keeps on sayin that he suspects that both have

failed.and well come on man.u're a fuckin doctor for goodness sake.confirm it.dun just

suspect.cos i'm getting sick of it all.i dun give 2 hoots anyway.cos i'll noe.that i died having

everything i ever wanted.wonderful fwens.a marvelous family whom i dun always get to share

my joys and nothing of my sorrows with,a happy childhood.but a rather disturbed 1,e feeling of

being truly loved and appreciated.and wasting it all.and most of all.LOVING THE ONLY

PERSON WHOM I'M WILLING TO GIVE MY LIFE UP FOR. HER .and i dare say.i saw her on

panguni.but i din wanna bother goin near her.cos it's like she's lost everythin.the love,the

respect,the caring nature and everything for me.and i noe.it's my fault.but ass.admit it.it's urs as

well.it takes 2 hands to clap.if u want me to take all e blame.dun worry i will.if u want me to lie

that whatever i said wasn't true.i will.but u'll have to wait.cos i'll oni do it b4 e day i die.but dun

worry.i'll make sure u can live ur life like normal again.and u'll forget this bastard over here

crappin the shit outta everyone ever existed.cos i ain't lying when i said i love u.i ain't lying

when i said u're e only 1 i love.but well u chucked it all into one corner.like how ur bin was

located in ur room.u made me a mad-man.but that's all u ever did.but baby.let me just say.i

trust that i ain't gonna get u back.so be it.but if i ain't getting u back.at least wait till my demise

b4 u go to another guy.cos like i simply said.i ain't like u.i can't change my mind abt loving sum1.i

value e word.i value love.and i noe what it's capable of.i'll never forget e times i spent with u.but

heck.u'll have forgotten everything.except for e scoldings,slaps and punches.how then dare u say

that i dun love u.but i respect ur word.which was why i was so provoked cos of e tuluks.damn

it.heck imma wasting my time when i noe she won't even read all this crap.so lemme get to e

topic of panguni.wohaha.finally.i went.i raised hell and i left.hahax.din slp for 2 days.and din go

hm for as long.lolx.was so busy.just too many fwens takin kavadis.but heck.alive or dead.they

are my fwens and it's my duty to support them.so why complain.in fact it was so happening that

i wish that i had slept so that i woulda had more energy.lolx.and who woulda known that

everyone would be so shocked to see me wid my new hairdo.lolx.but well i love it so who cares

who sees and who didn't.but when i reached hm.was so sickening.wid everyone askin.was that

u.yeah damn right it was me.can't u see in my pics that my hair looks like that now.does ur

father have a hairdo like that?or does anyone u know have sumthin even similar?no right?then

wth is wrong wid u ppl.DUMB.haiz.but seriously.i can't get this disturbing thought outta my

head.WILL I EVEN LIVE TO SEE MY NEXT B'DAE?i now realise how precious life is.and that i

have totally wasted mine.it's all gone.everyone is like dependin on me.even satish.hahax.when

we were slackin yest.he told me."dei stop drinking.not for ur sake but for all our sakes.cos if u

were to die.it's not u who'll miss us.but us who'll miss u and will never be able to forget

u.serious.trust me. sg will never be e same again."and he also told me."if u die.who's gonna be

my imagination partner."lolx.tell me abt it guys.satish and i have an imagination wild enough to

make everyone crazy.hahax.we were day-dreaming abt tsunamis,earthquakes and tornadoes

hitting singapore.that might seem ok.but if 10 other ppl go."OMG.THEY START IMAGINING

ALRD"then obviously we are wild IMAGINATORS."woohoo.serious.e oni thing i lack in this life

of mine is HER.satish also told me 1 thing which really touched me.he said "dei if she's gonna

come back to u and gonna promise to be wid u thruout.i dun mind givin u my kidney."show me

sum1 more wonderful.that's why i say.we guys have got hearts.but heck.imma gonna start to

work.i wanna get 1000+and a few ppl noe for wat.lolx.i have abt 1 mth to prepare.woohoo.shud

be able to by then.i got loads more things to tok abt.but heck.my post is gettin way too long so

yeah.peace and cya'll again tml

dead beat.

2007-04-02T02:58:00.000+08:00

woohoo.imma so glad.finally i get to sit after 2 days.been busy wid panguni and e eve of it all.lolx.doin wat else but drinking.woohoo.so many kavadis.but also so many unwanted faces.cb.some of e mother fuckin faces just piss e shit outta me.and i dono why i hate it when that happens.hahax.but heck.it was so great to get to see everyone again.and it's like as if they are all dying widout me.woohoo.suresh kavadi was made happening thanks to me and Black.hahax.e other asses were so silent half e time.and i did my trademark wid suresh and it was like as if we were e star attraction.lolx.but then such shit that i din get to follow everyone who called me.but heck.i followed suresh all.cos they're my brothers.and they are e only thing i believe will be there for me till e end.and e misunderstanding which almost led into a fight was also settled by them just now.weeee.i'm still havin e fever.lolx.e panguni fever and now i've got fever for real.and heck.
(fool i swear i dun need ur sympathy.cos i dowan u to symphatise me.i dun give 2 hoots abt who that lifeless mother fuckin annoyin liar fren of urs is.but heck.let it be.so u know what's gonna happen?so?nothing big wat)
.hahax.but heck imma slpy now.it 3 am and i reached hm just a few mins ago. sianz.haiz.so i'll continue my blog once i get up.peace. :p

I NEED HELP

2007-03-30T13:34:00.000+08:00

i kinda just realised.that i need help.and desparately.i'm e person i dowanna be.been seeing my life go down e drain,and it sucks.i lost everything.and to top it all off.i lost my hp yest.1st lost my earpiece in e mrng after sum chaos.got arrested and all.haiz.i just needed her by my side.i just want her to be fine and be safe.cos i dun trust anyone else to take care of her.i might be joining my bro soon.lolx.but i won't say where.cos i dowanna publicise it and all.but then i wish e stupid cops will just vanish.damn.they arrested me just after i sent raja and all up e bus.wtf.are they crazy or wat.suba said "magic bck?magic GONE much betta".lolx.submarine i think u gonna get ur wish.in fact i dun think i'll really feel sorrow or remorse when i'm gone.in fact i'll be relieved.cos i noe.she'll be happier.no one to annoy her and all.no one to be a pain in her arse.and she can carry on wid e life she's leadin now.Wat brought me to break wid her?why was i so dumb?din i even think that it would be e turning point of my life and that i'll be living e rest of my life wid regret and sorrow and terribly missing her everyday?what am i gonna do abt everything.i told her.e only person who can pick me up frm e gutters was gonna be her.but does she even care?in fact i think e more she has anythin to do wid me e more she'll hate me.i dono why.but why is it that girls are so hard to understand?is she gonna be happy thruout?or in fact is she even happy?i noe her and she puts on a mask all e time.she doesn't show her true feelings.but i feel that her hatred for me is real.and if anyone knows how to.can u please teach me how i could Fcukin win her back.anyways.peace to ya'll and stay happy everyone.u all noe u can come to me for anything. =)